Moodometer

Another vicious cirlce! Actually, everything's just a vicious cirlce, like the shape of the planet! Think about it, how long can you stay in one situation, and how long can you stay away from it???!!

People die symbolically, by degrees, each time one of their established values is threatened.
( its actually a line from my psycho textbook, in relation to existentialism, but it echoes the way i feel).

To grasp what it means to exist, one needs to grasp the fact that he might not exist : Rollo May, 1983.

I'm so bored. Bored of doing the same things again and again. Of getting up in the morning, of eating, of sleeping, talking, laughing, listening, staring. I feel like I'm stuck in a vacuum. Nothing's moving, nothing's changing, nothing's getting affected...
I'm scared, I don't feel anything deep down inside myself, I hope I didn't kill my feelings...atleast I feel scared...
I'm tired of thinking of answers that are never right. I'm tired of waiting for that world to come true, for my little world to be the real world...I don't even know what that little world of mine is. I'm tired of explaining...of looking for reasons.
There don't have to be reasons for every damn thing, right? There can be things that are just there, that may not belong, but still feel good...right?
Who's asking these questions? I'm not... I believe there has to be a reason for everything. Everything that exists has a purpose. It has to have a purpose. Why else is it there?!
...why else is it there... Who made these things? Who got them here, who put them in this place, in this postion? Who'll answer my questions? Whom should I believe?
I'm so bored...I've tried every way out, but nothing works...I'm stuck here...in this void. No matter where I go, this is the place I have to return to. Now please don't tell me its because I don't want to leave, its because I don't believe I can move on. Don't throw my own words at me. I don't like them anyways. I only want to be alone...I don't want you smart successful people telling me what to do. I know, I know all the tricks. But I don't want to use them...and so what? I change my decision. I break all my promises. I'll run away. I never asked you to trust me, I never told you everything I say is true, I never asked you to depend on me. I never said I'd play fair...
I wished I could leave myself alone, I wished I could come out of myself, just take a break from myself. I want to feel empty...I want to see new places, new faces, new knowledge, new ideas...I want to be a new person...I'm weary...

He paced around the room not knowing what to do or say. A feeling of helplessness overcame him. He wondered what he should do next. He thought about calling her, but ruled it out. No, that was stupid. He paced some more. The phone rang. He picked it up. "Hello?". It was her. He groped around for words but couldn't find any so he decided to listen instead. What she had to say made perfect sense. He heard her out without a single interruption and when she was done he replaced the receiver. He had work to do.......

Work ..... isn't that what we all strive for? Something to do, something to tear us away from our mundane existence before it tears us apart. We struggle to survive and survive to struggle. We spend every minute of every day trying to find a reason for living, something we can cling to which leads us to believe that our lives make sense. But things are not always that simple. Life is crazy. Its the law of nature. No matter what you do you cant eliminate the toxicity.

Don't get me wrong. I adore being alive. It's a feeling i cannot even begin to describe. I only feel that most people don't know what it means to be truly alive. They walk around like robots, move on without a rhyme or reason, from one day to the next. And in a single wave their life has begun and ended. I feel life should be like a storm at sea. The excitement, the turmoil, and everything that comes along with it. That's what life is. I feel you've only ever lived if you've loved someone. Being loved in return is a novelty that only some of us are fortunate enough to come in the way of.

thats a pretty evening on a pretty beach in a pretty place called Kutch!

"I can't give up wishing. It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thouroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger after them. How can we ever be satisfied without them until our feelings are deadened?"
-TMOTF

The Vicious Cycle!

you give what you get what you give what you get what you give what you get what you give what you get what you give what you get what you give what you get what you give...

music gets the best of me!

On Looking Up By Chance At The Constellations

You'll wait a long, long time for anything much
To happen in heaven beyond the floats of cloud
And the Northern Lights that run like tingling nerves.
The sun and moon get crossed, but they never touch,
Nor strike out fire from each other nor crash out loud.
The planets seem to interfere in their curves
But nothing ever happens, no harm is done.
We may as well go patiently on with our life,
And look elsewhere than to stars and moon and sun
For the shocks and changes we need to keep us sane.
It is true the longest drouth will end in rain,
The longest peace in China will end in strife.
Still it wouldn't reward the watcher to stay awake
In hopes of seeing the calm of heaven break
On his particular time and personal sight.
That calm seems certainly safe to last to-night.

-Robert Frost